You have to learn to stand up on your own. To look into the mocking eyes of a drunk & move past it. To eat the nervousness of others...Take all of that fear & envy & spite & learn to breathe  it in like smoke. Let it move around in your lungs & then exhale it back out. Let it mix with all of your own poison & chemistry & hope. There is no hiding. You can try to be invisible....but this is what you wanted,  is it not? So who do you become while you are standing there before every emotion you have tried to avoid for twenty years? You become something unidentifiable. Something terrifying. Something you don't know. & there is every opportunity to avoid it. You still don't have to face it. You can tell a lie & tell a lie & tell a lie. Tell yourself..."I'm hungry, i'm lonely, I'm tired, I deserve this, I can't help it, what else can I do? I can't do it, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Then what? Sleep? Yes, eventually sleep. Montpelier sleepy & turning red & yellow outside & 6am arrives, a headache banging you awake. Now...start from here with this:  The One Thing You Have Always Had...

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